BUGS @ 3am

it was a long night.

left office at 2:30am, a presentation was to be completed for a new pitch we attempted today. the whole creatives, strategy and a bit of media too. in the end it turned out to be not that great. efforts down the drain. still, we’ve a second chance.

so, at 3am on the 24th of august 2006, bugs visited me again. did she leave me at all?

she’s a moon to this planet adi. a silent spectator of whatever goes on in this life for the past half decade n more. well, errr not that silent maybe…

bugs aka autumn aka bhavna sharma.
how much more a part of my life than i usually agree to. and this is her introduction to my world. and when i remember her, i dont have the words to say what i want to. actually, i don’t even know what to.

“how will you introduce bugs, alok?” how will i? how can i?

“palkon mein har khwab chupate huye
har sitam ko hansi mein udate huye
har arman ko us par lutate huye
uska nahi,
khud apna dil dukhate huye
aaj phir,
dil se bahane tak ka safar tae kiya
kuch dus sadiyan aur char kadam”

the sparrow

for me, bugs was always like this little summer sparrow visiting our house. because they tend to create lot of kachra (mess) around, we would try to stop her. try to stop her from building a nest above the ceiling fan’s socket or in some corner window or some ventilator of the kitchen.

but, she being adamant, would build her nest eventually and we were left with no choice but to let her be. an utterly unwelcome but slowly turning to be an adorable member of the family. this brought a new fear also. the socket of a ceiling fan is not very safe for a flying feather ball. we would all take turns in watching her movements, the fan will have to stopped to her needs & callings. slowly, a new family would emerge from the twigs and threads, with hungry chirping of new-born members filling our days. and sometimes our nights too.

and one calm day, all this would cease. the noise, the mess, the flurry of activities… all would come to an end. leaving only the empty nest behind… and some empty ears ‘n eyes.

but the story doesn’t end here. bugs the summer sparrow has not left my home. she was not an unwelcome visitor, but not that important too. also, i’d some other memories to build that time. i was too preoccupied with my own dreams to see the ones she weaved around us. and i’ve still not looked into the heart of the dream.

“HOME…n the day u enter it, right on the doorstep, before u do, close ur eyes n remember me. send the message, let it waft thru the air n knock at my heart, inform Bugs tht her dream has been realised….

band ankhon mein,
andar jane se pehle
meri tasveer ko bhi talash lena
yaad rahe tujhe bhi
ki tera har khwab
meri palkon ke chilman tale basta hai“

this is the little sparrow who has come uninvited to my house. and has stayed on despite being treated with all the unwantedness possible. this is the girl who loves me like love.

but, this is the girl whom i can’t love in return. i can’t love anybody now. all that i say, write or dream are lies. love is nothing but a poet’s tool for me. an excuse to continue doing what i’m doing, to live…

“pyaar ek bahane se badh kar kuch nahin
zinda to uske bagair bhi hain hum
tham gaya hai waqt, be-manjil hua safar
bus dus sadiyan aur char kadam”

hope, i’ll find my destination someday.