darr lagne laga hai maut se. am afraid of death these days. till the time i was alone, broken, i didn’t fear it. was always ready to welcome it. with open arms if the moment needed. perhaps i loved death more than life.
not anymore. now that i’ve found life. in you. when you smile, when you take my name, when you sigh, when you touch, i feel as if no other reason exists for me to live. except you.
the reason why am pouring my heart out these days… i don’t know. perhaps am afraid. after that accident maybe. i’ve had accidents before. have seen death. or would-be death. it was a dark, mangled, bloody end of my being. now it is a day without your presence in it. it is your name that carries me through. some people say that i wear my heart on sleeves. that love is a private thing, not to be shouted about from rooftops, not an object of display.
but what do i do if this sudden joy of having you chokes me from within. i’ve to say, i’ve to express. i want the world to know, to read how special you are. and how special our love is.
months back i used to read newspapers. was well versed in politics, in sports, in the current events they say. not now. i don’t care what’s going on in the world. all i do is to wait for the day to meet you next. wait for the minute your name will flash on my cellphone screen. wait for the moment to see myself in your eyes. all i do is to love you in your absence and live you in your presence.
the world, the family, the office, the colleagues, the friends, all have somehow reduced in importance. it is a cocoon i’ve built around myself and only you are welcome in. nothing matters more than you.
and oh i forgot, the reason why am saying this all today, is because am afraid. am afraid of death to take me away from you. and i want to say it all before it happens. i want our love to remain. even if i don’t.