kya khoya, kya paya
hmmm. a new year has dawned. but what’s so new about it? everything is same. even if everything was new around me, i am the same old dork i was all these years.
but, atleast a new year, sure demands some introspection? even this, is not the case with me. the two most important days for me in a calendar are my birthday and the diwali. these two days i’m the most inward looking of all.
i wouldn’t have posted this, but for my teacher’s new year post.
“I personally dont feel like celebrating it this time, actually i never do but this time all the more. What difference is it going to make? What is so special thats going to happen? Whats new thats being created? Sounding weird…may be.” says she.
i agree. and disagree. everything is open to interpretations dear.
i agree, that nothing changes in the real sense. just the dates on the computer clock or on the job sheet. or within the diary pages? no, you didn’t sound weird, love. its that, something within me just doesn’t agree to it. just don’t want to agree.
i would like to see it differently. and its not to do with a new year. a new year is just an excuse for us to make resolutions and break them subsequently. god knows, if anyone of us wants to make a real difference, we can do it any damn day.
that is the point as far as i’m concerned. if i’ve done all the things i think of, heck, even half of them, i would have been in a completely different mode today. but then i don’t do them. as bugs used to say, i’m bravely running away from everything that really matters. but then, i lost her too.
this brings me to the title. lost and found. too much. sheer number of people that’ve come and went from my life in one single year. not mentionable here.
like the lines i wrote some days back. i choose to close all this in a box and drift it in the river of age. i won’t like to see that box again. but i know, it’ll all come back. all the q’s that have been left unanswered plus all the dreams that’ve been left unrealised, everything will come back someday. and that day, i won’t be able to run away.
dream. this is the only word that keeps me going. delhidreams is not just a word, it’s a noun, that’ll become a verb someday 🙂 a few months back, even love was a dream. a lost love. now that dream has been realised, i feel calm and at peace with myself. whenever i’m with her, its pure bliss.
and this is where i disagree with my love. when she says, there’s nothing in the year gone by. there was her. isn’t that one thing more important than all the others coupled? i’ll be tempted to say yes…perhpas yes, i would say instead.
the reason why i look forward to this year is that it gives me one more chance to achieve whatever i want, to welcome that day when i’ll be able to face the man in the mirror. and in that, my last year’s gain, my teacher will help.
i wish you all a fulfilling new year. may you realise your dreams. and do wish the same for me.