imagine you have entered a room where you can’t see anything except a colourful mist completely enveloping you. the only things you are really sure of are the floor beneath, some voices floating around you and the smiles or shock audible in those dismembered voices. you enter a state of surprise-filled exploration. the first thing you do is to assess how much you can see so that you don’t bump into someone or something. when your mind has grown accustomed to the lack of inputs to process and make sense of, you start walking. putting one foot in front of the other. like when you first learned to walk. the only difference being that now you fear injury. other shapes float in and out of your view like ghosts. their density measured by how near or far they are. and when the mist is really dense, you can hear a voice coming towards you but not see a shape until the body carrying that voice is only an arm’s length away. sometimes even less.
here you are alone despite being in a crowd, but more fundamentally, you are alone despite yourself. after the rush of clicking images and futile selfies, slowly your mind’s chatter subdues, the mist grows dense, you are in a space which is both disorienting and uplifting. one moment you find yourself scared, the next moment you are grinning. then you stop imagining, stop thinking, something settles to the bottom of your being. you are both connected and disconnected with what you think is you.
the mist is still enveloping you. almost like you are in a colourful cocoon. you realise that with direction and perception you have also lost the sense of time.
it is time to tear away from this. like life, it was dreadful and joyful till it lasted. it is time to walk out of the room, catch the tube, go home, cook dinner and go to sleep. and then dream. a dream in which you imagine that you have entered a room where you can’t see anything except a colourful mist completely enveloping you.
-adee, 23.10.2015, London