Words

dimag,
ek kisan ki tarah
bota hai beej bhavnao ke
aur rah takta hai
khuda ki us nemat ka
jo barsegi
to fasal khilegi
is pyasi zameen par

pyar hi to hai na wo?

mind,
like a farmer
sows seeds of emotions
and waits
for that blessing from Him
when falling which
will make the crop flower
on this thirsty ground

that is love, isn’t it?

darr lagne laga hai maut se. am afraid of death these days. till the time i was alone, broken, i didn’t fear it. was always ready to welcome it. with open arms if the moment needed. perhaps i loved death more than life.

not anymore. now that i’ve found life. in you. when you smile, when you take my name, when you sigh, when you touch, i feel as if no other reason exists for me to live. except you.

the reason why am pouring my heart out these days… i don’t know. perhaps am afraid. after that accident maybe. i’ve had accidents before. have seen death. or would-be death. it was a dark, mangled, bloody end of my being. now it is a day without your presence in it. it is your name that carries me through. some people say that i wear my heart on sleeves. that love is a private thing, not to be shouted about from rooftops, not an object of display.

but what do i do if this sudden joy of having you chokes me from within. i’ve to say, i’ve to express. i want the world to know, to read how special you are. and how special our love is.

months back i used to read newspapers. was well versed in politics, in sports, in the current events they say. not now. i don’t care what’s going on in the world. all i do is to wait for the day to meet you next. wait for the minute your name will flash on my cellphone screen. wait for the moment to see myself in your eyes. all i do is to love you in your absence and live you in your presence.

the world, the family, the office, the colleagues, the friends, all have somehow reduced in importance. it is a cocoon i’ve built around myself and only you are welcome in. nothing matters more than you.

and oh i forgot, the reason why am saying this all today, is because am afraid. am afraid of death to take me away from you. and i want to say it all before it happens. i want our love to remain. even if i don’t.

i remember her smile.

we were walking to the d.u. metro station. me & nidhi, her little sister who had her last exam yesterday, and i had gone to the khalsa college to meet her.
and her.

that smile. i wonder why nobody else sees what i see. i wonder if people around even notice what’s going on. and they continue on with their drab existence. i wonder if even nidhi who was walking beside, saw what i saw. the way she smiled.

she was walking slightly ahead of us. this petite girl-woman in a white suit with silvered earings and white dupatta and a silvery kada. both of us, me n nidhi had met for the first time and in a genial relationship taking birth, were teasing her a lot.

that is when she turned and laughed and everything around her laughed at her words, ‘itna marungi na’ (i’ll kill you both). and by everything i mean not the zombies shuffling around, but the sun, the sky, the trees, the pavement, the ground beneath her feet, and the heart in my heart which skipped a beat and smiled in return and the smile, the joy that must have flowered in my eyes.

she turned and smiled and i opened my arms to embrace this joy i’ve known so late in my life.

joy, joyer, joyest.
?

who needs words when he’s in love.

if i say,
m falling more n more in love with her,
would you believe me,
if i say so…